Hi, Gary the Gutter, here! I hope you’ve been doing well —
because I sure haven’t been! Whoops, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to get that aggressive that quickly. But actually…now that I already have — what kind of monster are you?!
I’ve tried to hold my tongue, but there’s only so much a gutter can take. Literally. I am up to my edges in leaves — like they’re spilling out of me. Do you not notice that every time you leave the house? I see you check out the flowers you and Susan planted, but can you take 10 seconds to see how much of a mess I am, please?
These leaves are killing me. My performance has gone down because the debris is clogging up my downspouts, and water can’t flow out them. They’re weighing me down in so many spots. I mean, really — I’m detaching from the fascia above the garage door. And the bugs! Oh, the bugs. Do you know how many creepy crawlers are just making themselves at home in me right now? Dozens! All because you haven’t cleaned me in ages.
If you won’t sympathize with me, how about I put it in terms you will care about? If I can’t get water out of the downspouts, it’ll spill back onto the roof and end up causing roof leaks and water damage to your home. Forget going outside to play in the rain — you’ll have it right in your living room. And those bugs hanging out in me? They’ll soon be biting you.
Listen, I don’t want to fight. The whole point of this letter to you was to request something that would make both our lives a lot easier. Clean me out one time, and then get Gutter Helmet. It’ll keep all the leaves out so you’ll never have to clean me again. Do us both a favor, man. Get the Gutter Helmets.
Wish you all the best,
Gary the Gutter
Keystone Gutter Helmet has been Pennsylvania’s number one rated service for gutter maintenance and protection for over 30 years. For more information or to get a free quote, call us at (610) 372-4383.